《科学美国人》的常驻怀疑论者米切尔、歇尔曼撰文讨论了令自行车,棒球和其他体育赛事深受其苦的违禁药物丑闻,他还建议该如何抑制这样的行径。甭理他!要是由于他的干涉而毁了2008年最令人期待的竞技盛会,那才真叫全球性悲剧。
别搞错,说的可不是今年夏天的奥运会。那些比赛当然会是体能技艺的一个蛮有点意思的展示。但是,对真正的出类拔萃的追求是粗暴无情的,所以热爱绝对完美的体育成就的人们奔向了四年一度的超级大赛。
文森特、伦巴蒂(Vince Lombardi)说过,“胜利不是一切,它就是那个唯一的目标,”这就是超级大赛的优秀选手们为之而生,并常常为之而死的信条。超级大赛推崇那些跑得最快,跳得最高,举得最重以及在其他方面夺取最优的人们,无论他们采用何种手段。选手们可以自由使用类固醇或他们认为合适的其他技能强化药物,而不会遭到惩罚和诋毁。他们也可以采用手术或遗传学强化方法。
有的观众会看着短跑选手们,想象着如果他们的腿部肌肉带上了猎豹的基因,是不是会跑得更快;或者猜想一个意志坚决的举重运动员在脊柱崩裂之前到底可以垂直抓起多少吨;或者考虑假如巴瑞、邦德斯(Barry Bonds)能多长些肌肉块儿,他没准能展现些击球手的潜力。超级大赛正是为这样的观众们准备的。
传统人士把超级大赛选手们的获胜之道斥为欺诈。其实正好相反,超级大赛比传统赛事更公平。还记得“银翼杀手”奥斯卡、皮斯托里斯(Oscar “Blade Runner” Pistorius)吗?他在一月份没能获得准许与其他世界级跑步选手同场竞技,只不过是因为他的脚是碳纤维的假肢(在婴儿时期他的双腿自膝盖以下就被截肢了)。裁判认为他的假肢的弹性要优于骨肉之躯,皮斯托里斯因此被禁止参赛。很显然,为了能和有腿的人们一试高下,他的假肢还缺陷得不够。然而对于那些获胜者们在肌肉强度,肌腱弹性,耗氧能力和其他方面所享有的自然生物学优势,裁判大人们却一贯地视而不见。
超级大赛意识到当如今的运动员们都拼命地在赛场内外追求他们能获取的每一点优势的时候还推崇所谓“体育的纯洁”的虚伪。现在的运动员可不象古典奥林匹克选手那样脱得光光地比赛:他们穿上跑鞋,他们带着手套拳击,他们使用太空时代的材料制成的长竿完成撑竿跳。游泳选手剃掉体毛以减少在水中的阻力,棒球投手经受“汤米、约翰”手术替换肘部的一条韧带,据说这可以使他们投出更好的快球。顶级运动员和他们的教练总是采用一切可用的合法(或无法检测出来的)营养,训练,或是其他修饰身体和精神的手段。
批评家指责超级大赛对运动员造成伤害。但是传统赛事又能好到哪里去呢?橄榄球员因关节炎致残。篮球队员毁了他们的膝盖。曲棍球运动员的牙齿被打飞。拳击手因上钩拳的打击而积累了脑损伤,而足球队员通过数以千计的头球得到同样的后果。
超级大赛不会拒绝那些持有关于“公平性”的任何定义,或是坚持高高在上的安全规矩的运动员们。它欢迎所有愿意将技艺推至想象力,雄心壮志和坚强意志所能允许的无可比拟的境界的人们。它因此而比其它赛事更真切地体现了美利坚风格。简而言之,超级大赛在所有方面都远超奥运会:更多惊喜,更富戏剧性,更令人难忘。它甚至开始得更早。奥运会要等到八月,而超级大赛开幕式则是四月愚人节。
原文见下
Let the Games Begin!
Nothing beats the excitement of honest, steroid-powered competition
Scientific American’s resident skeptic Michael Shermer writes about the doping scandals plaguing cycling, baseball and other sports, and he suggests how to curb those practices. Please ignore him. It would be a global tragedy if his meddling were to ruin the most eagerly awaited competitions of 2008.
No, not this summer’s Olympics. Those will of course be modestly fun demonstrations of physical prowess. The pursuit of true excellence is cruel and unforgiving, however, which is why devotees of the absolute best in athletic achievement instead turn to the quadrennial Hyper Games.
“Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing,” said Vince Lombardi, and those are the words that the elite competitors of the Hyper Games live and frequently die by. The Hyper Games honor those who can run fastest, jump highest, lift the most weight or otherwise excel—by any available means. Competitors are free to use steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs as they see fit, without stigma or penalty. They can also undergo surgical or genetic enhancements.
The Hyper Games are for any spectator who has looked at sprinters and wondered whether they could go faster if their leg muscles contained cheetah DNA. Or speculated about how many tons a determined weight lifter could vertically press before his spine snapped. Or thought that Barry Bonds might show some potential as a hitter if he would just put on some muscle.
Traditionalists spurn the methods of Hyper Games athletes as cheating. But to the contrary, the Hyper Games are fairer than conventional sports. Remember Oscar “Blade Runner” Pistorius, who was denied permission in January to race alongside other world-class runners simply because his feet are carbon-fiber prosthetics? (Both his legs were amputated below the knee in infancy.) Judges ruled that because the springiness of his prosthetics is greater than that of flesh and bone, Pistorius should be barred. Apparently his prosthetics aren’t defective enough for him to run against people who have feet. Yet judges routinely turn a blind eye to the natural biological advantages in muscle strength, tendon springiness, aerobic capacity and other traits that winning racers enjoy.
The Hyper Games recognize the hypocrisy of extolling the “purity of sport” when modern athletes aggressively seek every advantage they can find, on and off the playing field. They do not compete nude like classical Olympians: they wear running shoes, they box with gloves, they vault on poles of space-age materials. Swimmers shave off their body hair to reduce drag in the water. Baseball pitchers undergo “Tommy John” surgery that replaces a ligament in their elbow and supposedly gives them better fastballs. Top athletes and their coaches routinely use every available method of training, nourishing and otherwise grooming their bodies and psyches that is legal (or undetectable).
Critics sniff that the Hyper Games are hurtful to the athletes. But are conventional sports much better? Football players end up crippled with arthritis. Basketball players destroy their knees. Hockey players lose teeth. Boxers accumulate brain damage from uppercuts, as soccer players do from heading the ball thousands of times.
The Hyper Games do not inhibit athletes with arbitrary definitions of “fairness” or with patronizing safety rules. They welcome anyone willing to push performance to unparalleled heights, limited only by imagination, ambition and determination. They are thus more truly American than other sports. In short, the Hyper Games are superior to the Olympics in every way: more amazing, more dramatic, more memorable. They even occur earlier. The Olympics do not start until August. The opening ceremonies of the Hyper Games are on April Fools’ Day.